What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 01:40
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
How do you perform a lap dance for your boyfriend or husband?
Comes on , in middle age.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Can you share something that captivates you, whether it's an idea, a discovery, or an invention?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
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This is soul school!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were not on the streets..
What are the withdrawal symptoms of Klonopin 1mg?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why is there so much free porn on the internet?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She wouldn,t have been !
How can you maintain self-control?
I write beautiful poetry .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We all went to grammer schools
What is the scariest thing that ever happened in your life?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
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She loved him until the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I waited trembling.
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im still living with it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ive learnt so much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Would this be the day?
She was in good health!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It was going to be , some day.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I said to her
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So, i spoilt her more .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot live in the past .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was scared of men, in general
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
What did i know ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My life is so biszare .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i lived it daily.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He resisted the act ,that day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My family never makes their pension either.
I think the readers, may guess!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it wasn’t much.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
All the time i was locked up.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She married twice! .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i do to all so called friends.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I have no regrets .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He knew the spot.
But, we were locked up after school.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When she asked me how she looked .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was seconnd youngest,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I don,t even have a pension.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was very sick at this time too.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Who then, do I blame.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was 9 years of age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Put me off passion for life!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.